


Shutdown. Shut out.

by Naarel, Tatergattler



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: A collab project???, F/F, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Trans Natsuki!, Trigger warning for asshole behaviour, Yeah you betcha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-03-31 17:15:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13979809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naarel/pseuds/Naarel, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tatergattler/pseuds/Tatergattler
Summary: 'The activities you and your little club perform are, what we see, not in the best interest of education, and as such, we've decided to disband the club.'





	1. Preamble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoyoyo! Ya gal Tater here with hopefully an interesting song and dance!
> 
> Naarel and I will be alternating chapters, and I've been given the honor of throwing up the first chapter, so here we go!  
> (Naarel here for a little bit, hope we won't break your hearts, ahaha...)

Hands slammed against the table.

"...Mind...Mind repeating yourself, Monika?" Natsuki muttered, rage in her eyes.

Sayori shuffled awkwardly, avoiding eye contact. She wanted out of this topic.

Yuri had a face of indifference. Maybe she was still processing what she had just heard.

Monika, she looked Natsuki in the eyes, her gaze steady and firm.

"The club closes this Friday."

Natsuki didn't respond after that... The president could tell she wanted answers.

"The... The teachers have deemed what we do in here uh... 'Not in the best interest of education'." Monika sighed, sitting back down as well. When did she stand up..? "They've elected to kill the club. We have until Friday to pick different activities." She paused. "...I'm... I'm sorry. I tried to make them reconsider, but... They were dead set."

"...It's... It's okay Monika..." Sayori piped up softly, trying to offer some positive energy.

"No! No the hell it is NOT, ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT OKAY!" Natsuki fumed, turning to Sayori who flinched and hid behind her arms. Everyone at the table jumped. "This club was literally the only place I felt safe enough to delve into my interests, and the teachers, the TEACHERS, decide that my interests aren't 'In the best interest of education'?!? WELL FUCK ME IF CONSUMING CREATIVE MEDIA TO HELP BROADEN MY HORIZONS AND FIELD OF VIEW ISN'T 'IN THE BEST FUCKING INTEREST OF GODDAMN EDUCATION!!!!' FUCK THIS. FUCK EVERYTHING."

Door to the room slammed shut. Natsuki has left.

The remaining girls glanced at Sayori who looked quite shaken. The two girls have been a bit closer than most would consider 'friendly'.

Sayori took a few moments to gather herself and she swallowed down her nerves, stood up, brushed off her skirt and wiped her eyes.

"I'm sorry... I'm... I'm gonna go too." She murmured quietly before picking up her bag and heading towards the door.

She paused halfway out of the room and glanced back at the two remaining girls. A crack of a smile on her lips.

"...See you two tomorrow... Hopefully." She murmured.

"...Take...Care of yourself, Sayo. Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow... Hopefully." Monika replied.

A soft hum and the door shut.

The two remaining girls sat in silence. It wasn't awkward but it wasn't comfortable either. It was... Almost suffocating...

"...Yuri... You haven't talked at all..."

"...I..." The quiet poet murmured softly. "I... Don't know what to feel... I'm just... So overwhelmed that I... I feel so numb... Stunned..."

"...I understand. I kind of feel the same way. This club was my pride and joy and now... Now it's doomed to die in its crib... I'm... Going to have to join the Debate Club again... Everyone is pressuring me to..."

Yuri didn't reply. She just kept her gaze down on the table.

Monika wanted to add, to keep the conversation going to distract her, to distract _them_ , but...

...

Down the hall from where the two girls sat in silence, two other girls were running through the halls.

"Natsuki!! Natsuki, wait!" Sayori called, she was barely keeping pace!

"No! I can't! I'm not going to! It's better if we just cut ties now!" Natsuki replied, her voice shaking and panting.

Sayori's pace almost halted instantly, her legs almost tripping over each other.

...Cut ties...

She stood there in the middle of the hall, watching the silhouette of her closest friend run away and turn the corner.

...Cut ties...

She collapsed onto her knees... Her legs just decided to not work anymore.

...Cut ties...

A door slammed shut in the distance.


	2. Elegy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monika doesn't know how to handle things now.

I'm dissappointed, but I won't let this show. I'm upset, but I can't let the others know about it. 

All of my work... all of my dreams of creating a safe space for everyone... it crumbled right before my eyes. 

Natsuki's angry face... Yuri's dissappointment... Sayori's sadness... that's all I wanted to prevent. Why did I even tell them? It's irrational, but if I didn't tell them... it all would be different. They still would be happy until the final day. Isn't this what people do when their loved ones are dying? Giving them the best things without telling them they're going to die soon?

I gritted my teeth. Why did our club even got killed in the first place when there are clubs like an anime club (oficially named "Popculture Study Club", to justify being weebs on the school ground)? What does it all even mean... did somebody tell the teachers we weren't realising our primary goal? But only we really knew...

Now I will be forced to join the Debate Club again. I absolutely hate it. This is the exact opposite of the Literature Club: loud, disrespectful, full of hate and just overall horrible. Yet, the Debate Club exists. And Literature Club will be gone soon, like a candle is blown out when the wind rushes through the flame. Ahaha... so poetic... I could write a poem about it...

...a nice elegy for our club.

"Monika?" Yuri called me. I snapped back to reality, trying not to cry. "Please... tell me you were fighting for us." 

"Of course I was! I... really tried!" I tried to smile, but it just didn't work. All of my thoughts were filled with Debate Club memories. This girl who liked to go for _ad personam_ every single time... this boy who was so edgy that I could feel his words cutting my skin... 

I felt Yuri's hand on my shoulder. 

"Don't cry, Monika."

I couldn't stop. I just went for full version of ugly cry.

It's all ruined... all ruined... ruined, ruined, ruined!

Yuri hugged me tightly. I didn't hug her back, I just cried, I couldn't get enough strength to hug her back. I tried to stand back, just to not wet her beautiful, long hair with my tears. I failed her, I failed Natsuki, Sayori, I failed everyone, including myself. Oh, Monika Erato, how much I hate you now.

"Please... remember it is not your fault" Yuri whispered. I'm pretty sure she was on the edge of crying too, but she was actually stronger than me. "We will go through it together, just... we should think instead of crying. It will get us nowhere."

"Th-they already d-decided..." I sobbed uncontrollably, like I was a little child. Grow up, Monika, and be a brave girl. Be a brave girl for your friends. 

There must be a solution...

This isn't real, right? It's just one of my elaborate derealisation episodes... yeah... this is it...

 

Deep inside, I knew it wasn't the case. But... let me live my dream until the Friday. 

***

 

Next few days were true pain. I never was religious, but if there was hell, it would look just like this. I could feel people staring at me, looking at me and whispering about my club's failure. I barely seen other girls as we all have different schedules. I only met Yuri on one of our lessons, but we couldn't talk as Yuri strived for this high GPA. I could see she wasn't focused enough though, as her glances often were going to her hands. I know she was checking her bandages. Such a stressful event had to leave some scars on her, both mental and physical. If we met in the club, we could discuss it, tell each other that it's okay to cry a little...

...but there's no club now. And with no club, no happiness follows.

I still avoided Debate Club as often as I could. I knew I'm going to go back to them anyway, yet the thought of admitting my club wasn't strong enough to survive was terrifying and... humiliating. It wasn't only about girls' feelings, but also about my pride. It was a selfish thought. I was selfish. They're going through their personal hells and I'm just bitching and moaning about having to be a part of other club... and has anybody seen Sayori and Natsuki? Hope they're fine... should I call them? Do they hate me now? Am I overthinking...?

"What are you doing here?" Aimi, president of the Debate Club, asked me with a horrible smirk on her flawless face. "Shouldn't you be on your Club Parody Club meeting, trying to become a  _real_ club?" 

"Teachers... told us they're shutting our club down" I said, feeling that my cheeks get redder. Aimi laughed and patted me on my head. She knew I hated it. 

"Oh, poor you! Remind me, what did you say when you left us? Something like... 'I'm gonna make better club', am I right?"

Rage kept rising inside of me like a fucking tsunami wave. I just hated her... if I could delete people, I'd delete her character file first. 

"I asked you something" she giggled. "Or you can't just answer to things? This is what your club taught you to do? Well, you all were a bunch of weirdos anyway. Miss Goody-Two-Shoes, Miss I-Didn't-Have-Enough-Guts-To-Kill-Myself, a Boy in a Skirt and finally..."

I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't resist my burning rage.

I hit Aimi's perfect nose. She screamed, blood on her white shirt, her bronze eyes throwing bolts at me. 

"You're just pathetic, Erato" she hissed, holding her nose. I knew I just screwed everything up. 

Yet satisfaction running in my veins was priceless.


	3. Rainclouds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weathering through the dark storms isn't something Sayori would call 'fun'. 
> 
> This one is no different.

So, from my time here I can reasonably predict that the ceiling has roughly 2 million or so of those little weird white nub thingers.

What was the time anyways..?

Ah...Just about noon...on a Tuesday... 

Whoops.

I know I really shouldn't be staying in bed, especially after what happened yesterday, but...

...

I'm gonna say my bed's too comfy...

I shifted a bit and closed my eyes, sighing tiredly. My blankets smelt of tears and general upset grossness. I kinda forgot how long I cried last night... Did I cry even..? Did I cry myself to sleep? Probably. Maybe. I don't know.

I don't really care either.

'Cut ties'...

Cut ties, she said...

A lazy glance at my phone told me that I had a few messages from the pink haired rage ball... Probably stuff like 'Go die in a hole I've been waiting to get away from you since forever you depressed piece of shit' or something along those lines, soooo I didn't bother to open it.

Why bother when I already know what it is..?

...

I wonder how the other girls are doing...

Monika and Yuri seems pretty... Well, they reacted their own ways... I... Didn't hang around long enough to actually see, but...

Maybe this is all just some prank Monika and Yuri are pulling on us... Maybe Natsuki's in it too, and they're all trying to get me away from all of them...

...Well, they're friends so...

...

That's what they want you to think...

Just like Natsuki said, it was just better to cut ties and just, leave. It makes everything hurt less.

...Leave...hurt less...

...

...

I...really shouldn't be having these thoughts...

Then again, I didn't even take my meds yet today, so...here we are, I suppose.

But then again, what is the sweet release of death when literally everything here wants to make me crumble under pressure..? The club was my favorite thing of the entire day... And now that it's gone, what...

...And Natuski too... Natsuki's gone too isn't she... Cut ties...

...I don't have enough energy to move...

Pathetic, Sayori.... Just.. Fucking... Pathetic... You're the goddamn worst, I swear, just laying here, taking up space and oxygen and doing absolutely nothing valuable with your life... Maybe I should just...dissapear...

Delete myself off this plane of existence. And any other one that happens to exist. Wipe myself from history and time...

I never really mattered that much anyways, did I..?

...

I closed my eyes...

Not today... Too lazy...

...

...

My body felt like it was just... Dying...

It took me a while to be able to focus but a glance at the clock told me it was 4 AM...

Well.... Uh...

...

I didn't even eat anything yesterday... Or drink... Or anything... I just slept the entire day...

When did I last eat anyways..?

...I think it was when I got home Monday... I ate like, a fruit roll up then took a nap on my couch...

...Maybe I'll just starve to death... Die of dehydration maybe...

It wasn't too awfully hard... But I did hear it was a pretty painful and drawn out way to die...

Wait...

Is that... Footsteps...? In the hallway???

A soft knock on the door.

Alrighty then. This is how I die. Assassinated by a robber.

Neat. At least I don't have to do anything strenuous.

The door opened and I closed my eyes.

My fate is sealed now.

I won't be missed much wouldn't I...?

"...Sayori..?"

The voice sounded familiar, but it was a bit deeper than usual, kinda throaty and shaky...

...Wait... That was...

Just... Keep my eyes closed, pretend I'm asleep, everything will be fine!!

Why was she here anyways?! And so early in the morning too!!

My lack of response seemed to beckon the visitor to approach. I heard her kneel at the bed.

"...Sayo...I know you're awake..."

...Well then... Maybe if I don't respond she'll believe I'm actually asleep!!

"...Sayo."

...Just...keep quiet...

A soft grumble filled the room.

I felt my face heat up...

Of course my stomach just had to go and blow my goddamn cover... Stupid little internal organ...

"...Sayo, did you eat anything yesterday..?"

...Well, she knows now so...

I shook my head side to side.

I heard her huff and get up to leave.

"You stay there. If I come back and you're gone I'm gonna kick your ass."

Classic Natsuki...

The door gently shut behind her and she bounded down the stairs...

Why was she here anyways? Didn't she want to cut ties, and just forget about me..?

I cracked my eyes open again finally... Everything was still the same...

Maybe I dreamed that Natsuki came here...

Is that sizzling I hear from downstairs..?

...Okay, so she's actually here and she's making something...

...

...

How was she doing anyways..? The fact that Natsuki's trans isn't a major secret, and with the club shutting down on Friday, I wonder what she's going to do afterwards...

I really do worry about her sometimes. There's something about her and home that don't fit together. Maybe it's the whole home where the heart is dealio, but... I can't help but feel that her homelife isn't... What it should be.

Well then again, neither is mine.

But getting back to it, Natsuki was...one of a brave girl... Braver than me anyways...

....

...

...I wish that stupid ass anime club shuts down too. They barely do more than we did... And they get to watch actual anime too, like what the heck...

...

...

The door gently opened again and lo and behold, it was Natsuki with a dish of just some eggs. It also just occurred to my she has a bruise on her arm... Where did that come from..? 

"Here... This is... Just because you didn't eat anything yesterday..." She muttered, gently placing the plate and silverware next to my head. The plate balanced awkwardly on my pillow. "And for what it's worth... Uh... I'm... Don't get the wrong idea or anything, but... I'm sorry I reacted the way I did on Monday..."

I just hummed in response... Gosh those eggs smell good... Maybe a small bite..? I grabbed the silverware and popped a bit of food into my mouth... 

...Lightly salted... So good... 

"Soooo how is it? Either way, you're gonna have to eat it otherwise I'm gonna force feed them to you cause you need your gosh darn food!"

"...D-Don't worry..." I finally replied. My voice was dry and croaky... Natuski seemed to have the same idea.

"I'll grab you some water." She piped getting up and leaving again.

...

I don't know why she was here, or why she was fawning over me... Honestly it just helped me feel even more useless, but...

Natuski came back around the corner with a cup of water... Seeing the clear fluid just kinda made me realize how thirsty I was... I sat up and, 

That cup was gone in literally seconds...

"Anyways, you wouldn't believe what happened yesterday! Fucking Monika punched the Debate Prez bitch in the face!!"


	4. Memento Tajimamori

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tajimamori, Shintō god of sweets.

I laughed when I was telling Sayori how the Debate Prez bitch was behaving later, after the hit received from Monika. Gee, Monika has something new waking up in her. Of course I'm not saying that violence is good... but she deserved it.

Shaking my head to throw away all these bad thoughts that just came to my head, I looked at Sayori. I know she's got... troubles... but she hasn't looked like this since forever. I almost forgot how bad she can feel. 

"Anyway, meds taken? I don't think so" I said, but I already knew the answer. She didn't, that's why she feels so messed up and stuff. "Wanna me to get 'em for you?" I offered. If she'd say 'no', I'd go anyway. Because I care for this dummy. Maybe more than I should...

I just hope it isn't _that_  obvious... now, when the club's ending... we won't see each other as often as we do now. It's just upsetting that now, when I began to trust them all and slowly... f-fell... you know... for this depressed dummy... 

"You can get them... you know, if you want to. You don't really have to." Sayori answered. "They're in the kitchen, next to the tea."

Shouldn't they be in a more secure place? Like, now it's too easy for Sayori to...

"Don't worry, I never thought about it" she said, smiling weakly. I knew she lied, but I didn't respond. How would I, anyway? I was afraid I could only make things worse and my...  _friend's_ suicide is the last thing that I'd love to see in this week of suffering. Nah... it's the last thing that I'd love to see _ever._

Okay... downstairs... I quickly finished my quest and went back. Sayori smiled a little bit wider than earlier. It's a good thing, not that I loved it when she smiled or anything... it's totally not like... this...

For Tajimamori's sake, of course it is like that. I'm just too much of a chicken to admit it. 

"Suki..."

"Yeah?" 

"What you'll be doing after the club shuts down for good?"

Painful question. It's super effective.

I have to be a part of a club. My dad would... do much more than just this bruise if he knew I'm not in a club of any kind. The cooking club disbanded due to 'safety reasons'. Football team is already full. And anime club... ugh... I'm not the best when it comes to patience, so if they'd call me trap again...

"Dunno." 

"Same with me. If there's no club... who are we going to chat with? Jocks from football team? Jerks from anime club? There's no happiness outside of the Literature Club. We both know it, right, Suki?" 

Her tone... it was low, almost like we were planning something illegal. I felt shivers going down my spine, but it wasn't this shiver I usually got when I look into her eyes. It was another kind of shiver. Fear. For some reason, I was really afraid... in a weird way.

Sayori continued, I could see her eyes getting darker and darker, darker, darker...

"Is there really any sense? No support from family, no support from club. It can only be worse, you know? Aimi... she's now entering her superbitch mode. It can be only worse. And there's no way to escape."

I don't know when my mouth opened. I was just shocked, shocked to hear such things. I lowkey knew what she's going to say, yet I couldn't even think now of this word.

First tears. Sayori smiled weakly, tears flowing slowly. 

"I... can't see the future anymore... it's a dark mess, a mess like me... and I know you get it, I know you understand, I know-"

She broke in tears, yet still smiled. How does she do that? I just stood there, shaking a little, shocked with all of this shit she just told me.

"I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY WHEN I'M GONE! WHY CAN'T YOU ALL UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS THE ONLY SOLUTION?"

Only... solution?

"Sayori, no, I-" I hesitated, but what's the better moment to say it than now?

Deep breath.

"I care about... you... more t-than I should. I won't leave you alone now, no way!"

Sayori looked at me and then, few seconds later, I could feel her light hug. I didn't even care about her tears wetting my shoulder. 

"Then... go with me." She whispered into my ear and I could feel my cheeks getting redder.

"Where?"

"Oh, silly. To the other side, of course."


	5. Support

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri doesn't have any of it today.

I rarely go for a side in conflicts. Honestly, staying neutral and far far away from any sort of conflict is really the manner I'd like to go about things.

But for this?

Yeah. She deserved it.

I can't really express my emotions too well. Was never good at it in the first place, but... I can see other's emotions reletively well.

Monika's the one I'm worried about the most right now. A quick text from Natsuki at almost 4 in the morning in the group chat told us she was going to go check up on Sayori, who was absent yesterday, so I'll leave that in her hands.

...Well, I would be a little more confident if either of them showed up today...

They didn't. 

Thursday. 1 more day until the club dissolves, and with it, all of our security, and a genuinely fun after-school activity...

...Yeah, maybe I should just shoot a quick text towards Natsuki... I hope everything is alright over there...

...

What do I say..? I don't want to see overbearing or too worried... Uhm...

...Maybeee....no, that doesn't work...

...Uh... How about... No, thst just sounds creepy...

...Yeah, I can't. Not right now...

Okay, okay, Yuri... Deep breath...

It's just you at the School right now...

Monika's off in a suspension that will end tomorrow...

Natsuki and Sayori both haven't texted a word since school started...

...

So, it really is just me, huh..?

Yuri, versus the school...

...

...

I want out...

I'm way too nervous... None of my friends are here to support me..!

Do I really depend on them that much?

Am I really that needy and hopeless that I can't survive a school day without them?

...

....

.....

I'm...slightly happy I decided to not carry a small blade on me anymore...

But at the same time, I...

...

I don't know what is so riveting or so nice or exciting about it... But...

...

Seeing the blood...

Feeling the sting of pain...

...

It was all so...grounding... It kept me here instead of floating off into whatever my mind decides to wander...

...

...

...I can't...

I need release...

I need to ground myself before I lose myself...

Anything would do...

I subtlety dug through my bag during whatever this teacher was lecturing about... Something about science..? I couldn't care right now. Literally I can't care about that...

Mnh..? A paperclip..?

...

...

It'll do...

 

Now, to ask to go to the bathroom...

...

.....

I obviously underestimated the amount of social interactivity went into getting out of the classroom during lectures...

...Okay, okay...

Just...raise my hand and ask to go to the bathroom politely... That's all, right? Nothing else to it!

...

Alright... Just... Stick my hand in the air...

"Ah, yes Yuri, what is the conversion rate from Newtons to Foot/Pounds?"

...

What?!

Oh no, I wasn't paying attention to the lecture at all!! Uhh, uhuh......

"A-actually... I... I uhm... I just kind... Of... Uhm... I... I uh..."

"...Don't raise your hand if you don't know the answer. Anyone else want to take a shot at it?"

...

...

I just want to vanish...

Just to stop existing...

I'm so embarrassed...

Everyone probably thinks I'm an idiot now... I may as well be if I depend on my friends for literally everything....

Ugh...

...

I was able to at least tune out all the stares and giggles and whispers... What they thought of me didn't matter.

Except they kinda did...

...

Whatever, it's work time now. The teacher wouldn't blink an eye if I left to go to the bathroom now...

Just... Get up.

Ignore their stares...

Ignore... Ignore...

They don't matter... Their stares mean nothing...

The class door shut behind me and I let out the biggest breath of my life...

That was far too jarring...

...Bathroom..

Just a few pokes...

I unbent the paperclip into a wonky looking wire.

...Just a few drops of blood...

Nothing more...

Nothing...more...

...

...

...

..

.

It feels so dirty to scratch an itch like this...

I'm terrible...

I already promised myself I'd stop... But...

Who even uses a paper clip to do this to themselves..? 

I do, I guess..

...

...

...

I need my friends...

I need Monika...

Her laugh, her smile, her shoulders rising and relaxing as she give me the most happy and earnest expression I've seen in all my life...

...

Thinking of her makes me feel even more ashamed now...

She wouldn't like that I'm doing this...

...Maybe I should stop...

I blinked and looked down...

A small trickle of blood was running down my arm... Huh... 

...

Just a few, like I told myself...

Just a few...

I'm sorry Monika...


	6. Finale.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...it's the end.

It was a very cloudy afternoon. This day seemed like any other day and probably, this is what a lot of people thought.

Oh, how wrong they were. 

 

Sayori still sat on the edge on her bed, eyes fixed on a rope she held. Something in her plan to cease the suffering made her shiver, like a bucket of very, very cold water was poured on her. This is the end, isn't it? This is the final solution, the only thing that can help in this endless pit of despair, isn't it? It won't even be much pain if she does it right, she's read all about it before. 

But seeing Natsuki looking through the window, like she was still thinking about everything she'll leave - and she didn't have many reasons for not leaving this world - it made her rethink everything. 

Sayori didn't really want to drag Natsuki with her, but she thought that this is the only reasonable thing to do in their case. No friends to hang out with, no supporting family, nothing, nothing, nothing.

"You can always leave, you know. I won't protest" Sayori said, feeling as her voice gets stuck in her throat, refusing to go further. 

"I'm... not a coward, silly. I'm not going anywhere." She smiled weakly, trying to not show how afraid she was. "Let's get this over with."

 

***

 

This clock has to be broken, Monika thought, sighing hard as she shifted in her bed in a desperate attempt at finding a position to fall asleep in. It's been showing the same hour since... a long time. Or maybe her mind just lengthened all the minutes trying to push away the inevitable? It was still Thursday, the end comes on Friday. It would be a logical explanation.

The silence was broken by the ringtone. Who is so desperate to text people at... whatever hour it was?

The screen lit up as Monika pressed the right button. One new message, this one from Yuri. She took a deep breath, feeling her heart involuntarily speeding up, like every time she received a message from her... friend.

_I'm sorry._

It was everything. No explanation, nothing that could lead Monika to find out about what Yuri was apologizing for. Well, she had an idea, but... 

_Did you do that?_

A wave of sudden anger washed all over Monika. She wasn't angry because Yuri probably did hurt herself again. Oh, no, she was feeling like the whole world, the whole fucking world with this bitch Aimi as the leader led Yuri to this. And this hurting world included Monika as well. They all were razor blades in Yuri's shaking hands, they all were knives, swords, and bayonets. 

Another text.

_I didn't want to, please don't get mad at me._

_Why would I?_ Monika replied, trying to type as accurately as she could.  _I'm still proud that you managed to be clear for so long._

 

Tomorrow, they'll meet for the last time in their club. She'll tell Yuri how proud she always was to have her in her club. She'll tell Natsuki that the simplicity of her poems was that thing she always kinda envied but was too afraid to tell about it. And finally, she'll tell Sayori that her ability to smile despite all the bad things that were happening inspired her countless times.

Shame that she needed the ultimate end to finally find the courage to tell them all about it.

 

***

 

Sayori started crying.

It seemed that she'll never stop, an endless flood of thoughts and memories and all the things she will never experience. She cried to the point of shaking, to the point when the tears just stopped flowing and just sound remained.

They wasted too much time, maybe it would be quicker if she just did it without thinking, maybe it would be all done if she didn't think about Natsuki and the rest of her friends so much. 

Natsuki tried her best to calm her down but it only made everything worse. Why did somebody like Natsuki care about someone so worthless? She didn't deserve to be invested in such a bad case. She deserved someone much, much better. Someone who won't whine about how bad the world is, someone who won't be a clingy piece of shit. 

"Just let me do it, let me do it" Sayori repeated, trying to break free from a tight hug Natsuki held her in, to no avail. "Or just hang me, I don't care, just... let me..."

Natsuki said nothing, biting her lip as she tried not to cry with her. 

"Please, just... let me end it."

Silence. The embrace slightly loosened.

"Fine," Natsuki replied quietly, voice shaking. "Give me the rope."

"Why?"

"You're shaking, d-dummy. I don't want you to do it wrong."

Her face looked like she just stopped believing in improving Sayori's mood. Like something just broke in her.

Maybe it did.

 

***

 

Monika didn't sleep. She couldn't. The alarm she set was the only thing that really showed her how many hours she spent on attempts to fall asleep. She also sent a few messages to Yuri, trying to find out about things that were happening at school. When Yuri stopped replying, Monika started texting Natsuki and Sayori, who didn't reply as well. It didn't seem too odd, as they both were known for valuing their sleep a lot.

With a slight groan, Monika sat on her bed, trying to ignore a headache an all-nighter caused. She's pulled a lot of them and her experience told her she just needs a bit more coffee this morning. She'll get her fix on her way to school. Thinking about a triple espresso made her smile a bit.

Then her smile faded as she looked at her phone's screen.

Friday.

The final day. 

And there was no Song of Time to fix it.

 _Will you wait for me in the cafe? You know which one_ , she wrote to Yuri. The answer was quick, the text simply said  _Of course._

Monika thought that maybe coffee wasn't that thing she wanted to spend some time with. Maybe it always was Yuri.

Another text message. Monika quickly unlocked her phone, thinking it's Yuri who's texted her. It wasn't Yuri though; the number belonged to Sayori. Monika read the message and felt shivers going through her body.

_I'm sorry, we won't arrive at school today. Or ever._

 

***

 

"Aiumu? Did you forget something?" Aimi asked, catching the newest member of the debate club trying to open the club door. He cursed under his breath.

"Yes, I did." 

"It's the third time this week. Are you brain-dead or what? Can't you just stick to your things?"

"Can't you stick to your fucking business?" Aiumu answered, his eyes suddenly lighting up so rapidly that one could swear his glasses reflected the light from them.

"Excuse me?" Aimi lowered her voice and for a moment the boy felt some kind of fear. "You know that we're basically the only club that took you, right? If you get kicked out, no club will want you. And you know what's happening to the clubless outcasts."

"They make better clubs and kick asses of bitches like you. If I only knew the whole story about your little conflict with Erato-"

"Don't mention this-"

"I will mention whoever I want, Aimi. I'm quitting your club now. And I'm gonna tell everyone about what you did to the literature club."

"Oh, go ahead." Aimi laughed, her voice distorted by her nose injury. "Nobody's gonna believe you."

"Bet?" Aiumu grinned, waving Aimi goodbye. 

She didn't know about things he already gathered, and all of them meant that Aimi was in trouble.

 

***

 

_Yuri did you receive the text_

_If you didn't please go to Sayo's house_

_We need to be there_

_Yuri???_

 

_Sorry, I was catching a bus._

_I'm on my way._

_Do you know anything about Natsuki?_

 

_No I don't_

_Yuri I'm scared to go there alone_

_I don't know what I might see there_

_I'm near._

 

Yuri got off the bus, running as fast as she could in her school shoes that weren't really suited for such a task. She could feel her shallow wound from yesterday stinging a little but she ignored it, knowing that it's gonna be fine. Sayori, on the other hand, probably isn't fine. 

"Yuri!" Monika shouted, catching up with her and giving her a quick but tight hug. "I'm so glad I... ah... let me catch my breath..."

"No time for that" Yuri replied, noticing that Monika is shaking. "We need to be quick."

"Yeah, right..." 

Sayori's home wasn't far away from there, just a few miles. They should arrive quickly, hopefully quickly enough.

 

***

 

The guidance counselor looked at the CD Aiumu gave her like it was an example of an alien technology.

"Why do you think this is important?" she asked, raising her brows. "If it's another attempt to shut down all the computers at school..."

"Not this time, ma'am. It contains... really important data about Hama Aimi's attempts to shut down the literature club." 

"Does it? Why would Hama Aimi want to shut the club down?" 

"Oh, she has a plenty of reasons. And you'll see all of them when you decide to play this little movie, ma'am. I was responsible for documenting meetings of the debate club but... kinda didn't listen when I was told to stop recording."

"I know your CDs tend to be quite harmful..." The counselor sighed, taking the CD and carefully examining it. "If it's another attempt to kill the school's network, you're in trouble, you know it, Aiumu?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Let's watch it, then."

 

***

 

A bunch of angry knocks woke Natsuki up. She groaned when the sun hit her tired eyes, then groaned yet again seeing motionless Sayori. 

Oh, how tired she was after this night. The longest night of her entire life. Thoughts were racing as she wondered if she really did a good thing, if she really helped Sayori. Maybe... maybe it wasn't a right thing to do. She really was desperate...

Natsuki felt like her body was mechanical, built with a bunch of rusty pieces. Maybe it all took a much greater toll on her than she thought. She opened the door with hands slightly shaking.

"Natsuki!" Monika nearly screamed. "God, where's Sayori? Is she okay?"

"I... I think so."

Oh, how she hated her voice today. Well, she hated her voice everyday, but today it was incredibly bad.

"The text she sent wasn't really optimistic." Yuri was paler than usual, still catching breath.

"She... sent a text?" Natsuki asked, slightly confused. "There's no way she could send one, stop lying to me."

"What do you mean by 'no way she could send one'?" Monika asked, feeling as her heart stops for a while. It's... not like that, right?

"I... go upstairs, see for yourself, I can't anymore."

 

***

 

Aiumu grinned at counselor's reaction to things she heard. The woman closed her laptop, still shocked by what kind of things Hama Aimi was capable of. 

"I... had no idea."

"Nobody had, ma'am."

"But you're not without a fault, you realize it? You helped her with fabricating the false evidence for literature's club inability to fulfill their plans for this year activities."

"I know, ma'am. I have no justification for my deeds." Aiumu lowered his head, his glasses nearly falling off his long nose. "I just want the literature club to be fine after what it had to go through. And I want Aimi to stop being so bit-"

"Enough. Seems that I need to talk to her as well." 

"Oh, you do, ma'am." 

 

***

 

"I'm... afraid of walking in," Monika said, her hand shaking on the doorknob. "I really am."

Yuri placed her own hand on Monika's.

"And I'm afraid as well."

"Natsuki's behaving really weird and... I'm really scared that Sayori, you know."

"We're gonna open the door together, okay?" Yuri whispered. "On three."

"One", Monika said.

"Two."

"Three."

They gently opened the door.

 

"Oh. Great. You're gonna tell me that it will be fine as well?" Sayori asked, still laying on her bed, hands tied together. "Or are you gonna tie me up so I can't cease my suffering?"

"Sayori!" Yuri shouted.

"What's up with the text?" Monika asked. "The one about school... and never coming back again..."

"Automatic sending. I scheduled it to be sent when I'm finally through with all my problems, but of course, I had to be so weak that I relied too much on Natsuki to end me. And I... it's so pathetic... I can't even cry now."

"Sayori... it will be fine, it really will be fine." 

"It won't. The club is gone, nobody cares, we're all gonna die anyway." Sayori's voice was strangely calm which only made these two sentences scarier.

"It's not like that. As long as we all are alive, there are people who care about you. Me. Yuri. Natsuki. Especially Natsuki." Monika tried to continue her speech but she was interrupted by a ringtone. A text from an unfamiliar number.

 

Monika looked at the message in shock, blinking a few times before finally smiling wide. She started laughing, happiness radiating from her.

"Natsuki!" she shouted. The girl slowly went upstairs, her face expressing something between being tired and sad. The club president tried to say something but her voice decided to not cooperate with her. She just showed the text to Yuri, who read it aloud:

 

_Come to school, it won't be the last day of your club._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for keeping you waiting, I didn't mean to  
> hope you forgive me~
> 
> ~Naarel


End file.
